As the World Turns

How is it already October?! I have heard people say it for years, "The older you become, the quicker time seems to go by."  That statement couldn't feel more real than it does now.

Mark and I will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary next week. It feels like just yesterday that we stood at the outdoor alter at Christ Church with our closest family and friends. I know that 3 years isn't a terribly long time, but still. We have experienced so much together in that time. Mountain and beach vacations, trips to Boston at Christmas time, building our home, saying goodbye to an incredible dog, welcoming Luke into our family, adopting Lucy, and evacuating for our first major hurricane are some notable events. I've had a lot of people tell me that the two most challenging things for a couple to go through are building a house and having a baby and that if we could survive those events then we will be good. We survived the house building process and so far we are still standing as new parents.

But honestly, the only reason we have made it this far is because of God's great grace. We are far from perfect but we try our best to communicate with one another no matter how big or small an issue may be. The Lord has been so so good to us and we will continue to seek Him as we continue on this amazing journey together.

Another event that I believe speeds up time is having a baby. Luke will be 7 months old next week! SEVEN! I have no idea where the last 7 months have gone. With every new season we find ourselves in with Luke, that season becomes my new favorite. In just the last few weeks Luke has become proficient in rolling over in both directions, enjoys sleeping on his belly, has become strong enough to sit up with his hands supporting him on the floor, has eaten and enjoyed oatmeal, sweet potato, and banana, has tried avocado and egg but didn't care for it too much yet, drank water from a straw, had his first haircut, was dedicated at church, and is making more clear sounds when he talks (his favorite is dada.) Luke continues to brighten our days with his contagious smile and brings so much joy to our loves with his budding personality. I cannot imagine this world without him in it.

Lucy continues to settle in nicely in the 6 months she has been with us and we love her so. We are still getting used to having puppy energy in the house but she is a good girl. Luke is becoming more interested in her everyday. He likes to reach his hand out if she is close by to try and touch her and she loves to lick him every chance she gets. It won't be long before he is throwing the ball to her in the yard and they are running around together. All she wants is to be around her humans and love on us.




On the other side of that, it has been a little over 8 months since we lost our sweet girl, Lilo. It still feels so fresh some days. It doesn't take much for me to have a memory of her that snowballs into everything leading up to her passing. I hold back tears often. She sure was something special and impossible to forget. I'm thankful that we were able to honor her life by saving another.

I'm 36 years old and being a mom has been my absolute favorite job yet. I continue to struggle some with the whole working mom thing. I've been back for about 5 months now and it is difficult to drop him off at daycare each morning, although the tears have faded. I have no major issues with the actual daycare itself. His teachers are great and he is always happy when I arrive to pick him up at the end of the day. I just miss him so much and often feel like I am missing out on big things with him. He is changing so quickly and I want to be the one feeding him, changing him, playing with him, and putting him down for naps. I didn't realize until I actually became a mom, how difficult it would be to be both a mom and go to work full-time. Selfishly, I would love to spend my days with Luke but me working truly is what is best for our family at this point in time. I keep reminding myself of that and try to see the bigger picture. I admit that there have been days where I have allowed comparison to steal my joy and it is a real battle. Sometimes those days allow me greater opportunity to dig down deep and grow stronger in my faith. I pray for peace daily and am trusting God that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I've said it before but I am thankful that I work for a wonderful, family friendly, organization and with great people. That support is what helps to get me through the rough days.

Just this week, this quote was part of my daily devotional that stood out to me:

"Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have." - John Piper

I love my life and know that I am greatly blessed with an amazing family. I am working on and learning to embrace every moment of this beautiful life I have been given. After all, time goes by way too quickly and seasons of life are just that, periods of time that eventually transform and make way for something else. We only get one life and I want to live mine filled with JOY. (Although those crazy hormones still try to get in the way.) 😉

The Season of Transitions

We have seen many transitions in our family in the last few months.

Asleep in his crib

The transition that I am most excited to share is that Luke is sleeping in his crib now, even for naps!  He has even slept through the night a hand full of times. Generally, he will sleep a good 6 hour stretch, wake to eat, and then right back to sleep for a couple more hours. I think the question that I am asked by others most frequently is if I am getting any sleep. I happy to be able to answer that with a happy YES! Fingers crossed that this is a habit he sticks with.

My transition back to work full-time was very challenging for me at first but it has gotten better week by week. As much as I would love to be able to stay home with him, I do feel that being a working mom has helped me be a better mom in some regards. I cherish every moment I have with him...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think I am more patient with him and am more intentional with our time together. I don't take anything with him for granted. We have our little morning and evening routines now and look forward to that time together. His smile when he sees me at the end of the day melts my heart every time. It also helps that I enjoy what I do and am surrounded by great people all day long. The encouragement and support from my family and friends makes all the difference.

Jma and Lukeman loving life!

Grammy's are the best!

For the last 7 weeks it did help that Luke was spending his days with family. This has been an incredible blessing and we are thankful that he didn't have to go to daycare at 2 or 3 months old. J Ma (Mark's mom) helped us early on with getting him into a nice little routine during the day. I love that they have been able to spend all of that time together. We were also blessed to have my mom, Grammy, visit and stay with us for 3 1/2 weeks this summer. They had so much fun together and had some good time to bond. She even discovered the trick to get him to enjoy bath time. He needed to be able to splash his feet in the water and have the scary running water turned off. Having my mom here was a huge help to us in so many ways. I am able to appreciate my mom in a whole new way since having Luke and it was so special to share this experience with her. Being a Grammy suites her well.

Rubber Ducky, you're the one

Tummy time is hard work!

Both grandmas have played a crucial role in helping Luke with his physical therapy exercises each day. He continues to show progress and is gaining neck strength daily. His head control is significantly better. We have been working on neck stretching, tracking exercises, reaching for toys and bringing them to his mouth, good alignment with tummy time, and most recently, rolling over. his pediatrician told us to start baby proofing the house because he will be scooting around before we know it. I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet!

Lucy girl checking out the ocean

Luke has spent a couple Sunday mornings in the church nursery. He seems to enjoy it back there and it allows us to hear the message with our undivided attention. Another first for us was a family vacation to the beach and oh my how vacations have changed for a while. The pre-mom me would have spent the whole day at the beach each day, soaking up the sun.  We spent a lot of our time sitting on the front porch, in the shade, looking across at the water. It was still super relaxing to not have anywhere to be and to spend time with family. Lucy even joined us on this trip and was a very polite house guest.

Our next big transition began this week with Luke starting daycare. I know that he will be fine but I am still nervous to send him. He is just so little and won't get the one on one attention like he has been. I worry about his exercises during playtime not being done correctly and him regressing with his physical therapy. I worry about him not napping well and crying and me wondering how they will console him. And then there's the sicknesses that come with being around all those kids everyday.  I need to let go and trust. The first day started better than I thought it would. I, of course, cried when I kissed him goodbye. I did sit in there with him for a good 15 minutes and fed him a snack sized bottle before I left. Leaving him with strangers (who will hopefully soon become friends)  was one of the

We survived the first day of daycare!

hardest things I have ever had to do as a mom. It comforted me to see how the other babies were doing in there. They all seemed happy and very curious about the new kid in class. I thought about him all day long and wondered what and how he was doing. I didn't call though. I felt it would be better for myself to not constantly check in. At pick up, I could tell he had been crying, which broke my heart. I was hoping to walk in to see him playing and smiling. When I asked the girls how he did they both just looked at each other, as if to decide who to break the news to me. The one girl said , "Uh, he did ok. He was fussy today." I reached for him and he clung onto me and my eyes filled up with tears again. They reassured me that all babies have a difficult time initially and that he will adjust. He was all smiles by the time we got to the car and he talked to his elephant on the ride home about his day. I think that once he adjusts, I feel feel a whole lot better leaving him each morning. I have no doubts that he will make some friends and learn lots of new things by watching them. He is currently the youngest baby in the classroom so he will see a lot of new things. Maybe I'll even make a new friend or two.

Finally, and most importantly, one transition that no one really talks about is how dynamics change when you go from a couple without children to one with. There is nothing easy about bringing a baby home. Of course we love Luke more than I can describe and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, but it is not all rainbows and sunshine all of the time. It is hard, never ending work and it can take a toll on your relationship if you aren't careful and intentional. This new tiny person enters your world and demands all of your attention making it hard to make time for each other.  There have been many days in the last 4 months that I have been exhausted, hormonal, frustrated, and a million other things, including not very nice. I don't know why it is so easy to take things out on the ones you love the most. There have been days when emotions ran high and we have become annoyed with one another, resulting in even worse communication between us. It is in those difficult moments that we need to practice giving grace more than ever...to ourselves and to each other. It's easy to blame it on the lack of sleep or crazy schedules but if I am being honest, I believe that for me it has more to do with my lack of spending time with God. Thanks to constant encouragement and support from one beautiful sister in Christ in particular, who also happens to be a new mom herself, I am getting back on track with spending time in the Word and making that AND spending one on one time with Mark a priority.
We were able to spend a couple of hours out together this past weekend and it was nice to be together, just the two of us...even if part of that date included a trip to the grocery store. It is so important to continue to intentionally grow and nurture your marriage after a major life change like bringing a baby home.  I've always heard people talk about putting your marriage before your kids and I better understand why now. Obviously this is a season where Luke needs a whole lot of attention but we are going to do our best to take the time for the two of us. If we aren't working well together as a team then the whole family suffers. All that Luke will become begins at home. I know that there will most likely be more challenging days and seasons down the road but if we work to keep God at the center of our marriage and remind each other that we are a team then we will be just fine.

Thanks for reading! I'll be back when I find a few minutes to spare 😉

Parker Family Update

Our handsome little dude is 12 weeks old today and I think Mark and I are beginning to figure this whole parenthood thing. I can't believe how quickly the time is passing by already. I look back to pictures of the day Luke was born and can't believe how much smaller he used to be. So much has happened since my last post. Here's a little run down:

As of 2 weeks ago, Luke unofficially weighed in at 11 lbs. I would say that around week 6 we turned a corner in regards to nursing and have not had the need to supplement feedings for about 2 weeks now. To anyone reading this who is having trouble breastfeeding or is preparing to begin that journey, hang in there. I read somewhere that although it is one of the most natural things for a mom, that doesn't mean it's easy by any means. If it is important to you, give yourself grace, find some support, and don't beat yourself up over it. And if it ends up not working for you, that's ok too! Mentally, it took  me a while to get there with the supplementing. I know that there is nothing wrong with formula, but I wanted so badly to do it all myself. I had to set aside what I wanted and do what was best for him. A happy and healthy baby is a fed baby. 

Already best friends 

We welcomed Lucy into our family about 8 weeks ago. The group that we adopted her from guesses that she is a Plott hound mix and probably around a year old. I was extremely protective of Luke for the first several weeks but Lucy has proven herself to be a loving and gentle soul. She is a sweet girl with a lot of energy but knows how to take it down a notch when she is around Luke. She is already extremely loyal, does well off of a leash, and just wants to be as close to her humans as possible. Ironically, we brought her home on the same day that would have been Lilo's 12th adoptaversary. She really is the perfect dog and often times reminds me so much of my sweet girl. I look forward to watching Lucy and Luke grow up together.

The many silly faces of Luke Man

It has been so much fun watching Luke grow over these past several weeks. Luke is full of smiles and laughter and likes to tell us stories when we talk to him. That smile melts my heart every single time. He really is a happy and easy baby for the most part. He loves to play on the floor and discover new things, like if he kicks the poles on the activity mat all of the toys attached to it move around. He is also really enjoying toys that sing and light up. In the past week he has made great strides with tolerating tummy time and is gaining more strength in his neck each day. 

Speaking of Luke's neck, several weeks ago a friend from college, who happens to be an awesome physical therapist, was kind enough to share that she noticed that in most of Luke's pictures he is tilting his head to the left and asked if he tended to do this often. After talking with her more, we came to the conclusion that he had torticollis. This is most likely due to the way that he was positioned in the womb and results in the muscles on the left side of his neck being shortened and tight. We have been passively stretching his neck daily and will be starting physical therapy soon to help correct this. We have been reassured that he will be perfectly fine once we treat the underlying cause. I know that making suggestions and offering advice to another mom can be a sensitive subject but I am so grateful that she shared with me her concerns.

Mark and I both went back to work 4 weeks ago. I am so thankful that we were able to spend 8 weeks together as a family to bond and share this special time together. It was a huge help to have that extra support. For the past 4 weeks I have been working half days and I have been fortunate to have been able to bring Luke with me. He spent a few hours each day in child watch with some of the most loving ladies. They played with him, comforted him when he cried, and loved on him like their own. It was during this time that we learned he loves to sit in the swing and bouncy chair (both of which we have since purchased for home.) I am extremely thankful for this positive experience of leaving him with someone and that I was able to slowly transition back to work. They were all very sad when they heard that he wasn't going to continue coming to stay with them in the mornings. I promised him that he will be back to visit. 

Since we've been back to work, Luke has been sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches at night. Praise the Lord! We have been working on transitioning him to his crib. He will sleep the first half of the night in his crib and then, after eating, he will sleep a few more hours in our room in his rock-n-play. We are hoping to fully transition him to his crib in the next few weeks as that will be much better for his neck. In the meantime, mom and dad need sleep.

My handsome little dude

While sleeping at night has been pretty smooth, little dude fights his naps later in the day. Through trial and error we can usually put him down for at least one afternoon nap. We have also discovered that he is extra fussy anywhere between 5:00 pm and 7:00 pm or better know as the witching hour. I had read about this and it's a real thing. We try lots of different things during these bouts of screaming  to no avail but thankfully they usually don't last more that an hour and they do indeed pass. 

Some other notable memories are Luke's visits from Grammy, Grampy, Auntie Kelli, cousin Zander, and Great Grammy and Grampy, Luke and Lucy's first trip to the beach, and celebrating my first Mother's Day. 

Finally, I start back to work full-time tomorrow. This will be the longest I have been away from Luke since his birth. I will miss my little dude so incredibly much. I have been struggling with the thought that I will be missing out on so much during the day and only having a few hours each morning and evening with him. I struggle to figure out how I will get anything else done when all I will want to do is spend time with him once I'm home. I know that it will all work out and that we will fall into a new routine as a family. I'm thankful that I have a job that I enjoy and amazing co-workers that I am surrounded by all day.  I pray that I will be able to be a good wife, mother, and worker while still making time to nurture friendships that are important to me. I will take it one day at a time and seek the Lord's strength and wisdom. My prayer is that I will glorify Him in all that I do. 

I've been blessed beyond all measure

Motherhood certainly comes with its challenges of trying to balance all the things and I am exhausted by the end of the day but I wouldn't trade this crazy adventure for anything in the world. Somehow my love grows more and more for my family each day. 

Surviving the Early Weeks

Luke has been on the outside with us for one whole month now and it has been a mash up of the most challenging and most rewarding weeks of our lives. Living and caring for a newborn has been a huge adjustment. I'm not at all surprised by this, as I wasn't expecting it to be easy. I just don't think one can fully comprehend it until it is experienced. We mostly have good days which we appreciate and celebrate. On the not so great days, we remind ourselves that this too shall pass and that tomorrow will be better. I do have to say that Mark and I make a pretty great team as far as looking out for one another and trying to keep our sanity. Having him home for these first several weeks so we can focus on our family has been a huge blessing.

Here is an update on Luke:    

I will say that Luke is a pretty easy and mostly happy baby. He eats, sleeps, pees, and poops. Usually in that order. Over and over and over again. At 1 month of age, Luke weighs in at 7 lbs. He has been slow to get back up to birth weight and beyond due to some nursing related troubles. His pediatrician and a couple awesome lactation nurses (one being Luke's fraunt) have been working with us and we are finally starting to see steady weight gain.

It has been fun learning his personality, what his different cues and cries mean, and the best ways to calm him down. He likes milk, exploring his hands and trying to suck his thumb, kicking his legs, sucking on his Jolly the Giraffe paci (which has been a life saver at times), having his hair washed under the faucet, taking naps on mommy and daddy, practicing tummy time, and going for card rides (or maybe that is us that likes the car rides because it always settles him down if he is fussy.)

Luke does not care for going for walks (we reserve that activity for when he is already asleep), having his clothing removed to change his diaper, and taking baths. He is becoming more alert each day and is a very expressive baby. We can't get enough of all the adorable faces he makes. He really is an amazing gift from God and we just adore this little dude.










Here are some more thoughts on how I feel things are going so far:

• Nursing has been the toughest challenge for me. For something so natural, it sure has been a rough start. I will spare you the details but it hurt so bad! If I knew how many Lansinoh products I would be purchasing, I would have bought some stock in the company. There have been many many tears, both of pain and frustration. There were many times that I wanted to throw in the towel but I used the thought tactic that a friend shared with me and told myself that I would get through that day and quit tomorrow. I'm happy to say that we are both finally getting the hang of it though and I no longer dread feeding time. I did seek some help which helped tremendously.
• Postpartum hormones are real and they are fierce! I have no control over my crying. I find myself crying along with Luke when he is inconsolable. I cry when I become frustrated, which is more than normal due to exhaustion. I have cried over some pretty silly things in the last few weeks. 
• I have heard and read that many people have trouble going to sleep and will stay up watching them sleep. This has not been the case for me at all. Once I put Luke down and I see that he is soundly sleeping, I follow suit almost immediately. He is a pretty good sleeper and those few peaceful hours at night are refreshing. I do get up with him a couple times a night but thankfully he usually falls right back asleep after he eats and has his diaper changed. For the times he will not settle back down, Mark will go in the other room with him so I can sleep and rest up for our next dinner date.
• I think the most popular advice I have been given is to sleep when the baby sleeps. This one I have struggled with during the daytime hours. Only having a couple hours max at a time that he is asleep, I am often torn between eating, showering, sleeping, or doing something else, like trying to type this post. After not choosing sleep for the first several days, I learned that a nap must happen at least once a day. I am always happier when I do. 
• I will never again underestimate the power of a shower. Taking a shower and putting on fresh clothes is so revitalizing and makes me feel like a new woman. The shower has become a place a peace, if only for a few minutes. On the days that I can wash my hair and blow dry it too it feels like a day at the spa. 
• I still don't understand how anyone with an infant arrives anywhere on time. We are still working on that one. Thankfully we don't have too many places to be and our church has 3 services to choose from.
• I have a newfound appreciation for bringing meals to families after the birth of a child. We have an amazing village of family and friends who stocked up our fridge, freezer, and pantry, setting us up with several weeks worth of meals and snacks. I'm pretty sure we would have been living off of peanut butter sandwiches and water if it weren't for the generosity of them all. THANK YOU! We will definitely be paying it forward more often from here on out when we can.
• Finally, I am constantly reminded of the amazing women that the Lord has placed in my life. There is so much wisdom in my circle and I am thankful for every single person who has checked in on me, answered my questions, offered to help, encouraged me, and prayed for me. Your words have meant so much to me and I am thankful for each and every one of you. 

Although some days are a blur, these first few weeks have flown by and we always hear that it will keep flying faster. I'm sure we will look back someday and miss these times. Even with the challenges we encounter, Mark and I both agree that we will not wish this time away. We want to enjoy and be in the moment for each stage of this journey as a family.

Luke's Birth Story

38 weeks and 3 days. That's how far along I was in my pregnancy when Luke decided to make his grand debut. Let's rewind a little bit though.

Mark and I learned at my 35 week ultrasound that Baby Parker was still in a frank breech position. His head was up in my ribs on the right side, his bottom was down in my pelvis, and his legs were in a pike position. We joked that maybe he would be a gymnast or high diver. My midwife, who I had been seeing for my entire pregnancy shared some suggestions for trying to flip him inside the womb. One was going in for a procedure called an external cephalic version (ECV) where they try to manually flip him and is said to be very painful (60% success rate.)The other was a traditional Chinese medicine therapy called moxibustion which consists of burning mugwort near the nail of the little toes. This can stimulate movement and activity within the uterus(about a 30% success rate.) She also assured me that he had plenty of time to still make the turn on his own and not to worry too much about it. Only 3-5% of full term pregnancies result in a breech. She did mention that if he did not turn that I would most likely be looking at having a c-section. We now had some options to think about and we would check his position again in 2 weeks.

During the next 2 weeks I was given so many suggestions and tips on how to make Baby Parker turn. It was overwhelming and I had no idea what was worth trying and what wasn't. I spent some time looking up different positions that I could try to help him move on his own and gave those a try. I even gave him a few pep talks. A friend passed along some moxibustion that she had from a prior pregnancy. The problem with that is that you have to burn it outdoors because it smells so bad. We were having an extreme cold spell so I didn't end up trying that right away. I really didn't want to have a c-section and was praying that he would flip without any intervention.

Two weeks go by and I am pretty confident that our baby boy has not moved from his comfy spot. The ultrasound at 37 weeks, which was a Monday, confirmed that. My options given to me at that appointment were to try the ECV or schedule to have a c-section at 40 weeks. She said that if I wanted to try the ECV, she was would strongly suggest that I have an epidural. It can be a very painful procedure and because of my smaller size, she didn't think she and the doctor helping would be able to use their full force. If I chose this, it would happen that Friday. I asked questions about scheduling a c-section. I expressed my strong desire of wanting to experience my body go into labor naturally. She shared the concerns she had about that and how it could lead to a prolapsed umbilical cord which is very dangerous for baby. I was feeling pretty disappointed at this point and really struggled with what I wanted to do next. My pregnancy had been so smooth up until this point and it really threw me that I would not have the child birth experience that I had always hoped I would have. I so badly wanted to experience the miracle and beauty of a natural childbirth. I decided to give the ECV a try to increase my chances of that.

The days leading up to my procedure, the weather warmed up a little bit and I tried burning the moxibustion. It.Was.Disgusting! It smelled like marijuana and it was strong! I had to shower and wash my clothes after each time. I don't even know if I believe in it, but I was desperate.

Friday rolled around and we made our way to the hospital. Another ultrasound was done to confirm the breech before attempting the flip. I spent a couple hours in pre-op before being brought into the OR. The room was set up for a           c-section in the event that the procedure caused any fetal distress (which is rare) and they had to take the baby out. The epidural was awful and brought tears to my eyes. Once that had kicked in, they began the attempts to flip the baby. One of them pushed him up and out of my pelvic region while the other then tried to rotate him around. I felt very intense pressure but no pain. At one point I felt like my ribs might crack. Four attempts were made to turn him with long breaks in between each one to wait for the baby's heart rate to come back up.  I kept my eyes closed for the first 3 attempts to help me better focus on breathing. My eyes were open for the final attempt though and the doctor's whole body was shaking as he pushed on my belly. The procedure was unsuccessful and they all felt really bad. The doctor said that he was really stuck down in there and just wouldn't budge. I thought I would be more disappointed that I was but I was happy that we at least tried. The doctor that was assisting said that he wanted to see me in the office on Monday and schedule my c-section for the next Friday, 39 weeks. Not what I was hoping for but I chose to use wisdom and trust that my doctors only wanted what was best for both baby and myself. There was nothing else I could do about it so I began working on accepting it and trusting in the process.

The ECV was not that terrible and I would totally do it again. Recovering from it, however, was a different story. My stomach felt like it was covered in bruises and my back hurt like nothing I had ever felt before. I spent Friday night and all day Saturday moving around very limited and slowly.

When I woke up that Saturday morning and got out of bed, I felt something unusual. Without going into too much detail, I was almost certain that I had lot my mucus plug. Of course I went straight to Google, but even then I was not 100% certain. Other than the recovery pain that I mentioned before, nothing crazy happened for the rest of that day. Around 8:30 pm, I noticed some blood when I used the bathroom. Again, I went to Google and determined that the event from earlier must have indeed been the plug. Mark had literally just walked into the house after a 16 hour work day when I discovered this. I greeted him at the door with, "Don't freak out but we might have to go to the hospital tonight." After a couple hours of monitoring how I felt, we decided to go to bed. Around 1:30 am I got up to use the bathroom and that is when I felt the small trickle of my water breaking. Mild, irregular contractions kept me up for the next several hours. When Mark's alarm went off early that morning I filled him in on what I was feeling and told him I was pretty sure that I was in the very early stages of labor. He called into work and told them he would not be coming in. After going back and forth about what to do, we decided to go to the hospital. With several more small gushes coming out and being that he was still breech, I didn't want to risk waiting too long and putting him in any kind of danger. We took our time, showered, and made sure that we had everything we needed. We even stopped at Dunkin' Donuts so Mark could get a coffee. Definitely not like the movies haha 😉

First family photo

We arrived at the hospital a little after 10:00 am. A test confirmed that my water had indeed broke. One final ultrasound was done to again confirm the breech. Once the doctor knew what he was dealing with, I was prepped for the OR. The great thing about coming in on a Sunday was that the OR was empty and we didn't have to wait for a room or a team to be available. I was in the same room that I had been in just two days prior which was a little comforting. The epidural didn't hurt as badly this time and it was kind of nice that I already knew what to expect as far as that went. It was almost as if my procedure that Friday was a dress rehearsal of some sort. At 12:40 pm I felt the pressure of our sweet baby boy being lifted out of me (the doctor even mentioned that he was stuck pretty low in there.) It was love at first listen of that precious cry. I watched as the nurse took him and cleaned him up. I couldn't believe how little he was! She then brought him over and lay him on my chest. It was at that moment that I realized that it didn't matter at all how he entered the outside world. My disappointment of not having the birth that I had dreamed of completely disappeared. Our son was here and he was healthy. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for that moment and indescribable love that I felt for Luke when I first held him. It is the best feeling in the world!

Luke Walter Parker
3/18/18 12:40 pm
6 lbs 15 oz, 20 inches

First ever picture of Luke!

As I type this, I am 12 days postpartum and my recovery has gone incredibly and surprisingly well. I had such a great birthing experience and honestly couldn't imagine it being any different. Once again, I am reminded that the Lord's ways are so much greater than my own and He will never fail us. His way is perfect!

Stayed tuned for an update on our first days as a family of 3!

My Sweet Girl, Lilo

Lilo came into my life on 4/24/2006 when I walked into the Connecticut Humane Society originally looking for a cat a few days prior and walked out with her. You can read that story here. I don't think I had any idea how much giving this girl a second chance at life would change my own. I didn't realize that I would need her as much as she needed me through the ups and downs of life. She was there for me through so many seasons: happy, sad, lonely, confused. She always knew what I needed and always gave me everything she had. I was her person from day one and she never let me forget it.

Lilo is a dog who simply loved life. All.The.Time. She was always happy and smiling and it was contagious. She was the life of the party and she loved every person she met. She touched the lives of so many , some whom never even met her in person. People were always asking about her and following our adventures on social media. I can't tell you how many times we would be stopped at a red light, Lilo with her face out the window, tongue hanging out, and the people in the
car next to us waving and smiling at her. It always made me so happy to see her bringing smiles to the faces of complete strangers. She craved the attention of people. So much so that when we would regularly visit the dog park near our house when we lived in Connecticut, she was always more interested in greeting all of the humans there rather than their furry friends. She was never one for playing with other dogs, or toys in general. She just loved and wanted a good head or belly rub. Lilo was more of a people dog than a dog dog, but she did have a handful of  4-legged friends that she loved spending time with.

Lilo's favorite place was wherever I was. She was my shadow, following me wherever I went. It didn't matter what we were doing. Next to me was where you were likely to find her. She was almost always under my feet in the kitchen hoping I would drop some food, she would often check on me while I got ready for work in the bathroom each morning,  she joined me for early morning garage workouts, and loved to be outside with me whether it was to walk to the end of the driveway to check the mail or to keep me company while I did yard work. One of my favorite things to watch her do was roll around in the grass. It was impossible not to smile when she did that, no matter what kind of day I was having. She reminded me to enjoy the little things in life. I cherish all of the adventures we had together, including: 12+ hour road trips to and from New England, trips to the beach, sunrise walks at the river, hikes up Sleeping Giant, and walks around town. They were all more fun with my sweet girl by my side.

 

Now don't get me wrong, she definitely had her moments. Like the time she was regularly getting into the trash can while I wasn't home and I walked in one day and she greeted me with a yogurt cup stuck on her nose (I wish I had a picture of that one haha.) Or the time my roommate and I closed her up in a bedroom while we moved some furniture into our apartment and she clawed halfway through the wooden door to try to get out to us. This was after she busted through the screen door on the back porch where we had first put her. Or the times when we would go to the park down the street together to run around and she would completely zone out from obeying me and run off whenever she saw a squirrel. I cherish those imperfect moments just as much. At the end of the day, she was the perfect dog and the best cuddler.

I believe that the Lord worked through Lilo to share some valuable lessons and values with me. Unconditional love is one of those.  It didn't matter how many times I yelled at her when she misbehaved, she was always ready to forgive me and act like nothing ever happened. It didn't matter how many times I had to leave her behind at home, when she tried so hard to follow me out the door, she always welcomed me home with so much love and excitement, her tail wagging a mile a minute, and her tongue ready to give me sloppy wet kisses. That was always one of the best feelings in the world, her greetings as she celebrated my homecoming. I still find myself looking for her face in the window when I pull into the driveway. Loving me was all that she knew how to do and she did it so well. 


I've always loved this quote from the book Marley and Me:

“A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?” 

Lilo encouraged me to be present and to live in the moment. There were many times when she would nudge my arm away from my phone or computer to remind me to pay attention to her.  After all, she did wait all day for me to come home to her. I tried to use our daily walks around the neighborhood and trips to the river as a time to appreciate the world around me and the little things like birds flying around and flowers blooming in odd places, and I often used those peaceful moments for times of prayer. I have committed to not let those walks end just because I don't have my favorite walking partner with me anymore. They will now also become a time when I can look back and smile, thinking about our time together.

Patience and perseverance are what Lilo taught me in her last year with me. It was so hard to see my sweet baby girl growing older but I had to remember that this was a season of her life when she needed me and relied on me more than ever. 2017 was plagued with more vet visits than I can count but Lilo was one strong, resilient pup who kept fighting and pushing through those challenges- ear infections, a

scratched retina, tooth extractions, seizures, arthritis. Nothing stopped her. and nothing broke her spirit. Living with stage 3 kidney disease for the last 4 months caused Lilo to have to be let out about every 4 hours or so, which involved me coming home every day during work and waking up in the middle of the night (in freezing weather,) often more than once. This also resulted in many accidents having to be cleaned up. It would have been easy to become frustrated, and at first I did, but I had to remember that this behavior was not intentional and that she was trying her best. I accepted it and allowed it to just became part of our new normal routine and I'm not going to lie, I still wake up in the middle of the night hoping to hear her pacing around the house waiting to be let out. Finding time to leave work every day was not always convenient or easy but I learned to love and look forward to our mid-day walks and short escapes from busy days. Lilo's hearing also became limited which created a challenge at times. Car rides became increasingly more difficult as her balance was not what it once was, which led to a very anxious dog. I learned that becoming upset and frustrated with her would not change anything so instead I chose to accept and love her where she was at and to give her the love an support that she had always shown me when I wasn't at my best.  All it took was looking at her sweet face and it wasn't very hard to do.

I was blessed to have Lilo in my life for 12 amazing years. We moved 6 times and experienced so much together. I chose to spend every free moment that I had with her and included her in everything that I possibly could. Honestly, a lot of what I chose to do revolved around if Lilo could be included or not and I do not regret that one bit. I hated being away from her. She graciously shared the attention when Mark entered our lives and gave him her seal of approval on our wedding day as he gathered our rings from around her neck. She loved him so very much and I'm thankful for a husband who loved her as much as I did. We made a great pack.

 Lilo was so good with children and I wanted more than anything for her to be around to meet her baby brother. Although she will not be here physically, I will take her love for life and all that she taught me about unconditional love, patience, and living in the moment and implement those as we welcome Baby Parker into our lives. I was touched by what a friend shared with me when she learned of Lilo's passing, "The world is a little darker with her not in it. Life is filled with sad and devastating events but around the corner is new life and beautiful moments." I believe that is what Lilo would want me to focus on. The beautiful life that we have ahead of us with our precious baby boy.

Lilo will always be my pretty baby and sweet girl and I will never forget a single moment of our time that we spent together. She was loyal, faithful, trusting, selfless, loving - my very best friend for 12 years. So much love and laughter lives in our story. No words will ever be able to sum up the amount of love shared between this girl and her dog. While I may never understand why our beloved pets can't live as long as we do, I trust that God used my time with Lilo to help me grow and to prepare me for even greater things ahead in my life. Although she no longer walks beside me, there is a very large part of my heart that will forever be hers and for that I am thankful.

I love you, my Sweet Girl! Until we meet again. <3

Lilo Parker
2003 - 2018