No Time to be Sad

As I sat there, on the eve of my firstborn's first birthday, I was filled
of gratitude.  This past year has been a whirlwind and when I think of all that we have been through - the good, the bad, the ugly - I realize there is far more good than anything else. When I think of this past year, all of our happy moments come to mind first. Sure there were plenty of moments, hours, and days of frustration, tears, exhaustion...you get the idea. But no matter how difficult those times were, no matter how long the sleepless nights seemed to last, they are not what define the last 365 days. They are mere blips on the reel. The highlights are what stand out the most - the smiles, the laughter, the family time, a year full of firsts. A year that I say went by way to quickly even though it had the same 525, 600 minutes as every other non-leap year. It was certainly a year well spent.

I rocked my baby a little longer at bedtime tonight knowing that he would wake up a 1 year old. Many have asked me if I am sad that he is 1 already. Truthfully, I am not. I am thankful that we have made it to this day. I have enjoyed every stage of motherhood so far but I don't really find myself mourning the passing of each one.  I feel a lot of emotions as Luke turns 1 - happy, relieved that we all survived our first year, proud of the awesome person he is becoming, thankful for God's unending grace that I receive daily, hopeful for the future - but sad is definitely not one of them. I'm thankful for a happy, healthy, growing, and thriving boy who is reaching his milestones at his own pace. Every stage and every season will bring its own joys and memories and I don't want to miss any of them. Especially fun ones like his very first taste of cake, his first kids meal at a restaurant (which he devoured), or the look on his face when he figured out he could walk.

If there is anything that this past year has taught me, it is to enjoy the little things.  I try my best to embrace each day as the mom of this sweet little boy. He is changing every single day and it is the most amazing thing to be able to witness. His brain is processing things at high speed trying to figure out how everything around him works. He is a big chatterbox, trying so hard to communicate with us and it is fun realizing that he understands some of what we are saying to him now too. He is also very much on the move and exploring everything. I did, however, recently reminisce on the "good ol' days" when I could put Luke down on the floor and he wouldn't go anywhere haha. I'm not sad to see him grow a year older because, well, that is what he is supposed to do and it means we are figuring out this whole parenting thing. It is fun and exciting to watch him grow into the person God has created him to be. There are big plans for this little boy.

It is a privilege and a blessing to be Luke's mom and I thank God every single day that he chose me for this job. I pray that Mark and I will do all that we can every single day to make sure he knows that he is loved and cherished and that God's love for him is even greater than that somehow.

I know that one day I will miss him being little, but for today, I won't be sad. I will enjoy the snuggles and be ready to celebrate a pretty awesome 1 year old.

We love you, Lukeman! Happy 1st Birthday!

Forever in My Heart

This past week has been an emotional one for me as Facebook shows me my memories from a year ago. These photos are what would end up being the last pictures and memories I would end up having of and with my sweet girl, Lilo. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. Today marks 1 year without my best friend. Not a single day has gone by that I have not thought about her. Some days I miss her so much that it still brings tears to my eyes. I often made the comment that she would live forever but in her final weeks here with us, I knew in my heart that our time was quickly running out.

I remember the day so vividly and it is something that I have shared with very few people. That Friday night, Lilo had another seizure. This would be her third in about a month or so. With each seizure her physical appearance seemed to age by years. They were taking a major toll on her body. When Lilo had seizures she would spend the next several hours wandering around seeming disoriented. She would bump into furniture and find herself stuck in places, like under the bar stools or under the desk. I stayed out in the living room with her that night where neither one of us got much sleep.

The next day, Saturday, her and I spent the whole day together while Mark was at work. We took a bunch of short naps and in between, we hung out together outside in the sunshine. She walked circles around the outside of the house while I painted some furniture in the garage for Luke's nursery. She would check in with me with each lap she took. I washed the car while she remained close by, carefully avoided the water hose.  I even mustered the strength, at 31 weeks pregnant, to give her a bath in the tub that afternoon. We spent the rest of the day relaxing inside and snuggling. We had a great day, just me and my sweet girl.

That evening was like most of our evenings during this season. Mark and I had gone to bed and Lilo paced around the house for most of the night, as she often did, with her nails clinking on the hard floors. One of us would get up every few hours to let her out to use the bathroom, a symptom of her late stage kidney disease that we had been managing. This particular night when I woke to let her out, I noticed she had pooped in several spots and tracked it around the house. I let her outside so Mark and I could clean up the mess. She was used to going out by herself at night and would often walk around the house to be let in through the front door. As we cleaned, I noticed Lilo had come back to the back door ready to come in. We had a few more spots to clean so we left her out for a minute or two longer. When I went back to the door to let her in, she wasn't there. I assumed she had just made her nightly yard patrol trek to the front door, but she never came around. We both grabbed our shoes and head out to find her. Every once in a while she would wander to the empty lot beside ours, so we looked there first. Nope. We went back in to grab our flashlights and then checked neighbor's yards, ditches, the edge of the water behind our house, drainage pipes. We had literally saw her just a couple of minutes ago, where in the world could she have gone? What made it worse was that her hearing wasn't that great anymore and often times couldn't hear us calling for her. I started to feel panicked. Mark hopped in his car to drive around our small, yet very open neighborhood. I texted some friends who immediately headed over to our house to help. We drove along the edge of the woods, out to the main road, down the road a mile each way, and rechecked all of the places we had already checked more than once. Nothing. I knew in my heart she couldn't have wandered too far, after all she did not move very quickly these days. But where in the world was she?! After hours of searching tirelessly, we went back inside to try and rest with plans to go back out in the morning.

I couldn't sleep so I stayed out in the living room praying that she would walk up to the back door. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and let her in a few hours prior when she was standing there. I dozed on and off until the first sign of daylight. We went back out and continued our search, still hopeful that we would find her stuck somewhere. Our wonderful neighbors joined in to help. We rode around in a truck to the undeveloped part of our neighborhood. We road around the edge of the treeline looking for any signs of her. It wasn't until we were driving though a neighbor's yard, along the edge of the water, when I asked him to stop. I saw something in the water and was sure that it was just a fallen tree or something but I had to rule it out. As I walked closer, my heart sank. What I saw was not a tree, it was my sweet sweet girl floating ever so peacefully in the water. I completely lost it. My amazing neighbors took it upon themselves to retrieve her body from the water and bring her home to us. They then came to help us bury her. The love and generosity we were shown that day is something I will never forget.

 That day, 1 year ago, is to date the worst day I have ever personally experienced. The day seemed to drag on forever. For weeks, I cried more tears than I thought it was possible to cry. Hours upon hours we had searched for miles and she had never even left our yard. Lilo had never shown any interest in the water behind our house. My only thought is that she wandered back there in the dark in her disoriented state and slipped in. There was no way she was strong enough to swim. My hope is that, in her already weakened state, she did not struggle and passed quickly. I will never unsee that image I have of her and it's difficult not to think about how things could have gone differently that night.

Whether she knew what she was doing or not, I believe God did. I know Lilo did not have much time left and I was already questioning what quality of life she currently had. I think that God knew that I wouldn't be able to make the difficult decision that was most likely heading our way. She was old. She was tired. She was weak. She stayed loyal through it all. I think this was His way of letting her go peacefully without the build up of having to say goodbye to each other. I have to believe that. For 12 years, Lilo took care of me just as much as I took care of her. The timing of when she left, just weeks before welcoming a baby into our lives, can't be a coincidence. She has served her life's purpose and it was time to go.

I will forever have a Lilo sized void in my heart that can only be filled with wonderfully sweet memories of her and I. I am thankful to have many. 💕

Eating My Words

I'm sure it's normal for any woman who has ever dreamed of being a mom to have an idea of what kind of parent they would be. What they would or wouldn't do when they have a child of their own. Before I became a mom, I was careful to try and not have opinions about different parenting styles and tried to avoid saying, "I will never..." After all, how could I have much to say about something that I had no experience in?

Of course, I am not perfect and one situation that I thought I would know exactly how I would handle was going out places with a baby. Before having a baby, Mark and I would say that we wouldn't let the baby's schedule keep us from doing the things that we want to do and were part of our routine.  We had friends that would leave a get together early to put baby to bed or decline lunch plans because it was baby's nap time. Couldn't the little one just sleep wherever we were or sleep on the way home in the car? Surely it couldn't make that much of a difference. Could it? I suppose that some babies can handle that well but it most certainly is not for everyone.

In the first few months of Luke's life, it didn't matter as much. After all, he woke up every 2-3 hours and often slept while being held by one of us anyway. Once he began napping and sleeping in his crib with an actual routine, that all changed. We learned that Luke's morning nap is key and if he didn't have a good, morning, crib nap, we would be in for a looong afternoon. We can get by with an afternoon nap that may take take place in the car as we head to or from a destination, but we are a little more reluctant to do something that may cause us to miss that morning nap.

Luke's evening bedtime routine is pretty solid too and we learned Labor Day weekend how "off" he can easily become if we stray too far from that routine. We stayed out later than normal that Sunday night and that evening was a rough one and so was the next day. Our so called day-off haha.

So yes, I have become that mom that I said I wouldn't be. I am that mom that now politely declines invitations if it doesn't fit into nap time or leaves early to be home for our nightly bedtime routine. It isn't always easy to say no, as I miss that time with my friends and very much being involved in a weeknight Small Group at church. But I also recognize that this is just a short season and saying no is what works best for our family at this moment. So my takeaways from this are: never say never and as a mom, I will do whatever I have to to maintain peace, calm, and regularity at home. I'm thankful to have supportive friends who understand this yet continue to invite me anyway. I'll be back again.💜

As the World Turns

How is it already October?! I have heard people say it for years, "The older you become, the quicker time seems to go by."  That statement couldn't feel more real than it does now.

Mark and I will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary next week. It feels like just yesterday that we stood at the outdoor alter at Christ Church with our closest family and friends. I know that 3 years isn't a terribly long time, but still. We have experienced so much together in that time. Mountain and beach vacations, trips to Boston at Christmas time, building our home, saying goodbye to an incredible dog, welcoming Luke into our family, adopting Lucy, and evacuating for our first major hurricane are some notable events. I've had a lot of people tell me that the two most challenging things for a couple to go through are building a house and having a baby and that if we could survive those events then we will be good. We survived the house building process and so far we are still standing as new parents.

But honestly, the only reason we have made it this far is because of God's great grace. We are far from perfect but we try our best to communicate with one another no matter how big or small an issue may be. The Lord has been so so good to us and we will continue to seek Him as we continue on this amazing journey together.

Another event that I believe speeds up time is having a baby. Luke will be 7 months old next week! SEVEN! I have no idea where the last 7 months have gone. With every new season we find ourselves in with Luke, that season becomes my new favorite. In just the last few weeks Luke has become proficient in rolling over in both directions, enjoys sleeping on his belly, has become strong enough to sit up with his hands supporting him on the floor, has eaten and enjoyed oatmeal, sweet potato, and banana, has tried avocado and egg but didn't care for it too much yet, drank water from a straw, had his first haircut, was dedicated at church, and is making more clear sounds when he talks (his favorite is dada.) Luke continues to brighten our days with his contagious smile and brings so much joy to our loves with his budding personality. I cannot imagine this world without him in it.

Lucy continues to settle in nicely in the 6 months she has been with us and we love her so. We are still getting used to having puppy energy in the house but she is a good girl. Luke is becoming more interested in her everyday. He likes to reach his hand out if she is close by to try and touch her and she loves to lick him every chance she gets. It won't be long before he is throwing the ball to her in the yard and they are running around together. All she wants is to be around her humans and love on us.




On the other side of that, it has been a little over 8 months since we lost our sweet girl, Lilo. It still feels so fresh some days. It doesn't take much for me to have a memory of her that snowballs into everything leading up to her passing. I hold back tears often. She sure was something special and impossible to forget. I'm thankful that we were able to honor her life by saving another.

I'm 36 years old and being a mom has been my absolute favorite job yet. I continue to struggle some with the whole working mom thing. I've been back for about 5 months now and it is difficult to drop him off at daycare each morning, although the tears have faded. I have no major issues with the actual daycare itself. His teachers are great and he is always happy when I arrive to pick him up at the end of the day. I just miss him so much and often feel like I am missing out on big things with him. He is changing so quickly and I want to be the one feeding him, changing him, playing with him, and putting him down for naps. I didn't realize until I actually became a mom, how difficult it would be to be both a mom and go to work full-time. Selfishly, I would love to spend my days with Luke but me working truly is what is best for our family at this point in time. I keep reminding myself of that and try to see the bigger picture. I admit that there have been days where I have allowed comparison to steal my joy and it is a real battle. Sometimes those days allow me greater opportunity to dig down deep and grow stronger in my faith. I pray for peace daily and am trusting God that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I've said it before but I am thankful that I work for a wonderful, family friendly, organization and with great people. That support is what helps to get me through the rough days.

Just this week, this quote was part of my daily devotional that stood out to me:

"Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have." - John Piper

I love my life and know that I am greatly blessed with an amazing family. I am working on and learning to embrace every moment of this beautiful life I have been given. After all, time goes by way too quickly and seasons of life are just that, periods of time that eventually transform and make way for something else. We only get one life and I want to live mine filled with JOY. (Although those crazy hormones still try to get in the way.) 😉

The Season of Transitions

We have seen many transitions in our family in the last few months.

Asleep in his crib

The transition that I am most excited to share is that Luke is sleeping in his crib now, even for naps!  He has even slept through the night a hand full of times. Generally, he will sleep a good 6 hour stretch, wake to eat, and then right back to sleep for a couple more hours. I think the question that I am asked by others most frequently is if I am getting any sleep. I happy to be able to answer that with a happy YES! Fingers crossed that this is a habit he sticks with.

My transition back to work full-time was very challenging for me at first but it has gotten better week by week. As much as I would love to be able to stay home with him, I do feel that being a working mom has helped me be a better mom in some regards. I cherish every moment I have with him...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think I am more patient with him and am more intentional with our time together. I don't take anything with him for granted. We have our little morning and evening routines now and look forward to that time together. His smile when he sees me at the end of the day melts my heart every time. It also helps that I enjoy what I do and am surrounded by great people all day long. The encouragement and support from my family and friends makes all the difference.

Jma and Lukeman loving life!

Grammy's are the best!

For the last 7 weeks it did help that Luke was spending his days with family. This has been an incredible blessing and we are thankful that he didn't have to go to daycare at 2 or 3 months old. J Ma (Mark's mom) helped us early on with getting him into a nice little routine during the day. I love that they have been able to spend all of that time together. We were also blessed to have my mom, Grammy, visit and stay with us for 3 1/2 weeks this summer. They had so much fun together and had some good time to bond. She even discovered the trick to get him to enjoy bath time. He needed to be able to splash his feet in the water and have the scary running water turned off. Having my mom here was a huge help to us in so many ways. I am able to appreciate my mom in a whole new way since having Luke and it was so special to share this experience with her. Being a Grammy suites her well.

Rubber Ducky, you're the one

Tummy time is hard work!

Both grandmas have played a crucial role in helping Luke with his physical therapy exercises each day. He continues to show progress and is gaining neck strength daily. His head control is significantly better. We have been working on neck stretching, tracking exercises, reaching for toys and bringing them to his mouth, good alignment with tummy time, and most recently, rolling over. his pediatrician told us to start baby proofing the house because he will be scooting around before we know it. I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet!

Lucy girl checking out the ocean

Luke has spent a couple Sunday mornings in the church nursery. He seems to enjoy it back there and it allows us to hear the message with our undivided attention. Another first for us was a family vacation to the beach and oh my how vacations have changed for a while. The pre-mom me would have spent the whole day at the beach each day, soaking up the sun.  We spent a lot of our time sitting on the front porch, in the shade, looking across at the water. It was still super relaxing to not have anywhere to be and to spend time with family. Lucy even joined us on this trip and was a very polite house guest.

Our next big transition began this week with Luke starting daycare. I know that he will be fine but I am still nervous to send him. He is just so little and won't get the one on one attention like he has been. I worry about his exercises during playtime not being done correctly and him regressing with his physical therapy. I worry about him not napping well and crying and me wondering how they will console him. And then there's the sicknesses that come with being around all those kids everyday.  I need to let go and trust. The first day started better than I thought it would. I, of course, cried when I kissed him goodbye. I did sit in there with him for a good 15 minutes and fed him a snack sized bottle before I left. Leaving him with strangers (who will hopefully soon become friends)  was one of the

We survived the first day of daycare!

hardest things I have ever had to do as a mom. It comforted me to see how the other babies were doing in there. They all seemed happy and very curious about the new kid in class. I thought about him all day long and wondered what and how he was doing. I didn't call though. I felt it would be better for myself to not constantly check in. At pick up, I could tell he had been crying, which broke my heart. I was hoping to walk in to see him playing and smiling. When I asked the girls how he did they both just looked at each other, as if to decide who to break the news to me. The one girl said , "Uh, he did ok. He was fussy today." I reached for him and he clung onto me and my eyes filled up with tears again. They reassured me that all babies have a difficult time initially and that he will adjust. He was all smiles by the time we got to the car and he talked to his elephant on the ride home about his day. I think that once he adjusts, I feel feel a whole lot better leaving him each morning. I have no doubts that he will make some friends and learn lots of new things by watching them. He is currently the youngest baby in the classroom so he will see a lot of new things. Maybe I'll even make a new friend or two.

Finally, and most importantly, one transition that no one really talks about is how dynamics change when you go from a couple without children to one with. There is nothing easy about bringing a baby home. Of course we love Luke more than I can describe and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, but it is not all rainbows and sunshine all of the time. It is hard, never ending work and it can take a toll on your relationship if you aren't careful and intentional. This new tiny person enters your world and demands all of your attention making it hard to make time for each other.  There have been many days in the last 4 months that I have been exhausted, hormonal, frustrated, and a million other things, including not very nice. I don't know why it is so easy to take things out on the ones you love the most. There have been days when emotions ran high and we have become annoyed with one another, resulting in even worse communication between us. It is in those difficult moments that we need to practice giving grace more than ever...to ourselves and to each other. It's easy to blame it on the lack of sleep or crazy schedules but if I am being honest, I believe that for me it has more to do with my lack of spending time with God. Thanks to constant encouragement and support from one beautiful sister in Christ in particular, who also happens to be a new mom herself, I am getting back on track with spending time in the Word and making that AND spending one on one time with Mark a priority.
We were able to spend a couple of hours out together this past weekend and it was nice to be together, just the two of us...even if part of that date included a trip to the grocery store. It is so important to continue to intentionally grow and nurture your marriage after a major life change like bringing a baby home.  I've always heard people talk about putting your marriage before your kids and I better understand why now. Obviously this is a season where Luke needs a whole lot of attention but we are going to do our best to take the time for the two of us. If we aren't working well together as a team then the whole family suffers. All that Luke will become begins at home. I know that there will most likely be more challenging days and seasons down the road but if we work to keep God at the center of our marriage and remind each other that we are a team then we will be just fine.

Thanks for reading! I'll be back when I find a few minutes to spare 😉

Parker Family Update

Our handsome little dude is 12 weeks old today and I think Mark and I are beginning to figure this whole parenthood thing. I can't believe how quickly the time is passing by already. I look back to pictures of the day Luke was born and can't believe how much smaller he used to be. So much has happened since my last post. Here's a little run down:

As of 2 weeks ago, Luke unofficially weighed in at 11 lbs. I would say that around week 6 we turned a corner in regards to nursing and have not had the need to supplement feedings for about 2 weeks now. To anyone reading this who is having trouble breastfeeding or is preparing to begin that journey, hang in there. I read somewhere that although it is one of the most natural things for a mom, that doesn't mean it's easy by any means. If it is important to you, give yourself grace, find some support, and don't beat yourself up over it. And if it ends up not working for you, that's ok too! Mentally, it took  me a while to get there with the supplementing. I know that there is nothing wrong with formula, but I wanted so badly to do it all myself. I had to set aside what I wanted and do what was best for him. A happy and healthy baby is a fed baby. 

Already best friends 

We welcomed Lucy into our family about 8 weeks ago. The group that we adopted her from guesses that she is a Plott hound mix and probably around a year old. I was extremely protective of Luke for the first several weeks but Lucy has proven herself to be a loving and gentle soul. She is a sweet girl with a lot of energy but knows how to take it down a notch when she is around Luke. She is already extremely loyal, does well off of a leash, and just wants to be as close to her humans as possible. Ironically, we brought her home on the same day that would have been Lilo's 12th adoptaversary. She really is the perfect dog and often times reminds me so much of my sweet girl. I look forward to watching Lucy and Luke grow up together.

The many silly faces of Luke Man

It has been so much fun watching Luke grow over these past several weeks. Luke is full of smiles and laughter and likes to tell us stories when we talk to him. That smile melts my heart every single time. He really is a happy and easy baby for the most part. He loves to play on the floor and discover new things, like if he kicks the poles on the activity mat all of the toys attached to it move around. He is also really enjoying toys that sing and light up. In the past week he has made great strides with tolerating tummy time and is gaining more strength in his neck each day. 

Speaking of Luke's neck, several weeks ago a friend from college, who happens to be an awesome physical therapist, was kind enough to share that she noticed that in most of Luke's pictures he is tilting his head to the left and asked if he tended to do this often. After talking with her more, we came to the conclusion that he had torticollis. This is most likely due to the way that he was positioned in the womb and results in the muscles on the left side of his neck being shortened and tight. We have been passively stretching his neck daily and will be starting physical therapy soon to help correct this. We have been reassured that he will be perfectly fine once we treat the underlying cause. I know that making suggestions and offering advice to another mom can be a sensitive subject but I am so grateful that she shared with me her concerns.

Mark and I both went back to work 4 weeks ago. I am so thankful that we were able to spend 8 weeks together as a family to bond and share this special time together. It was a huge help to have that extra support. For the past 4 weeks I have been working half days and I have been fortunate to have been able to bring Luke with me. He spent a few hours each day in child watch with some of the most loving ladies. They played with him, comforted him when he cried, and loved on him like their own. It was during this time that we learned he loves to sit in the swing and bouncy chair (both of which we have since purchased for home.) I am extremely thankful for this positive experience of leaving him with someone and that I was able to slowly transition back to work. They were all very sad when they heard that he wasn't going to continue coming to stay with them in the mornings. I promised him that he will be back to visit. 

Since we've been back to work, Luke has been sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches at night. Praise the Lord! We have been working on transitioning him to his crib. He will sleep the first half of the night in his crib and then, after eating, he will sleep a few more hours in our room in his rock-n-play. We are hoping to fully transition him to his crib in the next few weeks as that will be much better for his neck. In the meantime, mom and dad need sleep.

My handsome little dude

While sleeping at night has been pretty smooth, little dude fights his naps later in the day. Through trial and error we can usually put him down for at least one afternoon nap. We have also discovered that he is extra fussy anywhere between 5:00 pm and 7:00 pm or better know as the witching hour. I had read about this and it's a real thing. We try lots of different things during these bouts of screaming  to no avail but thankfully they usually don't last more that an hour and they do indeed pass. 

Some other notable memories are Luke's visits from Grammy, Grampy, Auntie Kelli, cousin Zander, and Great Grammy and Grampy, Luke and Lucy's first trip to the beach, and celebrating my first Mother's Day. 

Finally, I start back to work full-time tomorrow. This will be the longest I have been away from Luke since his birth. I will miss my little dude so incredibly much. I have been struggling with the thought that I will be missing out on so much during the day and only having a few hours each morning and evening with him. I struggle to figure out how I will get anything else done when all I will want to do is spend time with him once I'm home. I know that it will all work out and that we will fall into a new routine as a family. I'm thankful that I have a job that I enjoy and amazing co-workers that I am surrounded by all day.  I pray that I will be able to be a good wife, mother, and worker while still making time to nurture friendships that are important to me. I will take it one day at a time and seek the Lord's strength and wisdom. My prayer is that I will glorify Him in all that I do. 

I've been blessed beyond all measure

Motherhood certainly comes with its challenges of trying to balance all the things and I am exhausted by the end of the day but I wouldn't trade this crazy adventure for anything in the world. Somehow my love grows more and more for my family each day. 

Surviving the Early Weeks

Luke has been on the outside with us for one whole month now and it has been a mash up of the most challenging and most rewarding weeks of our lives. Living and caring for a newborn has been a huge adjustment. I'm not at all surprised by this, as I wasn't expecting it to be easy. I just don't think one can fully comprehend it until it is experienced. We mostly have good days which we appreciate and celebrate. On the not so great days, we remind ourselves that this too shall pass and that tomorrow will be better. I do have to say that Mark and I make a pretty great team as far as looking out for one another and trying to keep our sanity. Having him home for these first several weeks so we can focus on our family has been a huge blessing.

Here is an update on Luke:    

I will say that Luke is a pretty easy and mostly happy baby. He eats, sleeps, pees, and poops. Usually in that order. Over and over and over again. At 1 month of age, Luke weighs in at 7 lbs. He has been slow to get back up to birth weight and beyond due to some nursing related troubles. His pediatrician and a couple awesome lactation nurses (one being Luke's fraunt) have been working with us and we are finally starting to see steady weight gain.

It has been fun learning his personality, what his different cues and cries mean, and the best ways to calm him down. He likes milk, exploring his hands and trying to suck his thumb, kicking his legs, sucking on his Jolly the Giraffe paci (which has been a life saver at times), having his hair washed under the faucet, taking naps on mommy and daddy, practicing tummy time, and going for card rides (or maybe that is us that likes the car rides because it always settles him down if he is fussy.)

Luke does not care for going for walks (we reserve that activity for when he is already asleep), having his clothing removed to change his diaper, and taking baths. He is becoming more alert each day and is a very expressive baby. We can't get enough of all the adorable faces he makes. He really is an amazing gift from God and we just adore this little dude.










Here are some more thoughts on how I feel things are going so far:

• Nursing has been the toughest challenge for me. For something so natural, it sure has been a rough start. I will spare you the details but it hurt so bad! If I knew how many Lansinoh products I would be purchasing, I would have bought some stock in the company. There have been many many tears, both of pain and frustration. There were many times that I wanted to throw in the towel but I used the thought tactic that a friend shared with me and told myself that I would get through that day and quit tomorrow. I'm happy to say that we are both finally getting the hang of it though and I no longer dread feeding time. I did seek some help which helped tremendously.
• Postpartum hormones are real and they are fierce! I have no control over my crying. I find myself crying along with Luke when he is inconsolable. I cry when I become frustrated, which is more than normal due to exhaustion. I have cried over some pretty silly things in the last few weeks. 
• I have heard and read that many people have trouble going to sleep and will stay up watching them sleep. This has not been the case for me at all. Once I put Luke down and I see that he is soundly sleeping, I follow suit almost immediately. He is a pretty good sleeper and those few peaceful hours at night are refreshing. I do get up with him a couple times a night but thankfully he usually falls right back asleep after he eats and has his diaper changed. For the times he will not settle back down, Mark will go in the other room with him so I can sleep and rest up for our next dinner date.
• I think the most popular advice I have been given is to sleep when the baby sleeps. This one I have struggled with during the daytime hours. Only having a couple hours max at a time that he is asleep, I am often torn between eating, showering, sleeping, or doing something else, like trying to type this post. After not choosing sleep for the first several days, I learned that a nap must happen at least once a day. I am always happier when I do. 
• I will never again underestimate the power of a shower. Taking a shower and putting on fresh clothes is so revitalizing and makes me feel like a new woman. The shower has become a place a peace, if only for a few minutes. On the days that I can wash my hair and blow dry it too it feels like a day at the spa. 
• I still don't understand how anyone with an infant arrives anywhere on time. We are still working on that one. Thankfully we don't have too many places to be and our church has 3 services to choose from.
• I have a newfound appreciation for bringing meals to families after the birth of a child. We have an amazing village of family and friends who stocked up our fridge, freezer, and pantry, setting us up with several weeks worth of meals and snacks. I'm pretty sure we would have been living off of peanut butter sandwiches and water if it weren't for the generosity of them all. THANK YOU! We will definitely be paying it forward more often from here on out when we can.
• Finally, I am constantly reminded of the amazing women that the Lord has placed in my life. There is so much wisdom in my circle and I am thankful for every single person who has checked in on me, answered my questions, offered to help, encouraged me, and prayed for me. Your words have meant so much to me and I am thankful for each and every one of you. 

Although some days are a blur, these first few weeks have flown by and we always hear that it will keep flying faster. I'm sure we will look back someday and miss these times. Even with the challenges we encounter, Mark and I both agree that we will not wish this time away. We want to enjoy and be in the moment for each stage of this journey as a family.